As the local road sweeper said this morning, “If they kick that incompetent b----d upstairs now they’re just proving they have no bloody clue”.
He has a point.
What sort of message are they sending when the rhetoric speaks of modernization and the behaviour demonstrates an inability to let go of the past?
Thursday, 21 May 2009
Tuesday, 28 April 2009
Don’t waste the space
It seems to me that we could be missing a trick in London.
As I understand it we have spare capacity in Canary Wharf, a shortfall of funding for the Olympic Village, and some embarrassment in Westminster about MP’s second homes.
Surely the solution is staring us in the face? Why not turn those redundant banking towers into a social housing complex, downriver, which could accommodate both homeless athletes and provincial MPs in town to claim their Commons attendance allowance.
Indeed from their windows the latter could admire the Dome they insisted on building, while contemplating the savings to the taxpayer that would accrue from not building an absurdly ephemeral Olympic Village.
And in 2012 we might even have a new Olympic event in which they could compete?
Given the UK’s superiority in sedentary events (cycling, rowing, sailing and motor racing) the concept of competing for a seat is an obvious proposal.
And with the Tories’ excellent suggestion that the number of constituencies should be reduced we have the possibility of winning a gold medal in musical chairs.
As I understand it we have spare capacity in Canary Wharf, a shortfall of funding for the Olympic Village, and some embarrassment in Westminster about MP’s second homes.
Surely the solution is staring us in the face? Why not turn those redundant banking towers into a social housing complex, downriver, which could accommodate both homeless athletes and provincial MPs in town to claim their Commons attendance allowance.
Indeed from their windows the latter could admire the Dome they insisted on building, while contemplating the savings to the taxpayer that would accrue from not building an absurdly ephemeral Olympic Village.
And in 2012 we might even have a new Olympic event in which they could compete?
Given the UK’s superiority in sedentary events (cycling, rowing, sailing and motor racing) the concept of competing for a seat is an obvious proposal.
And with the Tories’ excellent suggestion that the number of constituencies should be reduced we have the possibility of winning a gold medal in musical chairs.
Thursday, 26 March 2009
Expressions we no longer need
One of the many benefits of the credit crunch is that we can divest ourselves of a fair measure of jargon, simply because the world has no further use for it.
To take a few examples, I doubt we’ll see the following phrases used very often, except in a tone of irony or nostalgia:
• “post neo-classical endogenous growth theory”
• “economic forecast”
• “profit forecast"
• “full employment”
• “free trade”
• “laissez faire”
• “early retirement”
• “pension pot”
• “embedded value”
• “hi-growth opportunity fund”
• “shareholder value”
• “light-touch regulation”
• “wealth management”
• “mortgage broker”
• “trickle-down”
• “sports sponsorship”
• “charitable giving”
• “capital gains tax”
• “tax relief”
And we can pray for the imminent demise of a few more.
My list would include:
• “guaranteed bonus”
• “remuneration committee”
• “independent non executive director”
• “tax credits”
• “public sector pensions”
• “PPF”
• “MP’s second home allowances”
• “targets”
• “short selling”
• “reality television”
• “celebrity culture”
• “personal trainer”
• “nail bar"
• “Chelsea tractor”
• “bottled water”
• “designer“ (anything)
• “RBS Six Nations”
• “Olympic village”
But then I’m feeling a bit sour.
To take a few examples, I doubt we’ll see the following phrases used very often, except in a tone of irony or nostalgia:
• “post neo-classical endogenous growth theory”
• “economic forecast”
• “profit forecast"
• “full employment”
• “free trade”
• “laissez faire”
• “early retirement”
• “pension pot”
• “embedded value”
• “hi-growth opportunity fund”
• “shareholder value”
• “light-touch regulation”
• “wealth management”
• “mortgage broker”
• “trickle-down”
• “sports sponsorship”
• “charitable giving”
• “capital gains tax”
• “tax relief”
And we can pray for the imminent demise of a few more.
My list would include:
• “guaranteed bonus”
• “remuneration committee”
• “independent non executive director”
• “tax credits”
• “public sector pensions”
• “PPF”
• “MP’s second home allowances”
• “targets”
• “short selling”
• “reality television”
• “celebrity culture”
• “personal trainer”
• “nail bar"
• “Chelsea tractor”
• “bottled water”
• “designer“ (anything)
• “RBS Six Nations”
• “Olympic village”
But then I’m feeling a bit sour.
Wednesday, 11 March 2009
Sit-aside: a solution for our times
The UK normally produces more management consultancy than is needed by domestic clients at any one time. Since it is difficult to store management consultancy for consumption at a later date, and demand in export markets is subdued, there is a need to provide incentives to reduce over-production.
A proposal very worthy of consideration is now being mooted: Sit-aside.
Under this scheme, management consultants will be able to claim support payments so long as they remain unutilised on client work, and instead devote their spare time to cultivating useful crops such as linseeds, oilseeds and protein crops such as peas, beans and lupins.
Management consultancies will be allowed a choice as to which teams of individuals will sit-aside each year; or alternatively the same team could be sat-aside for a number of years. This will give management consultancies more flexibility as they plan future staff utilisation, either on billable work for clients, or as claimed sit-aside credits.
Management consultancies would be obliged, however, to manage their sat-aside team so that it could be brought back into production if necessary.
It might be argued that price cuts would be a better method of reducing over-production; but this would overlook the fact that Sit-aside will act directly and quickly to reduce production and provides significant environmental benefits.
Sitting in their offices, the damage to the economy caused by these management consultants in the normal course of affairs will be significantly reduced. The sat-aside consultancy resources will provide important ancillary benefits, such as acting as buffer zones for preventing buzzword drift, providing habitat for the incubation of new management fads, becoming idea-banks where beneficial ideas can live and breed, and creating wildlife corridors around offices where animals and birds can find cover.
They will provide stewardship on behalf of the nation for key legacy management consultancy assets including PowerPoint formats, process mapping methodologies and work breakdown structures. And a pound spent supporting a management consultant will be spent in turn on goods and services created and delivered in the UK, thereby revitalising the economy in deprived areas such as Surrey and Berkshire.
In assessing bids for Sit-aside payments the Government will use the flexibilities available under the “Temporary Community Framework for State Aid Measures to support access to finance in the current financial and economic crisis”. The focus will be on ensuring that the management consultancy industry emerges from the current downturn with the skills and technology base needed to be competitive in the global market.
Enough of the gloom! Let's not look backwards: let's look forwards!
Forward to kick-starting the economy! Time to commit to Sit-aside!
A proposal very worthy of consideration is now being mooted: Sit-aside.
Under this scheme, management consultants will be able to claim support payments so long as they remain unutilised on client work, and instead devote their spare time to cultivating useful crops such as linseeds, oilseeds and protein crops such as peas, beans and lupins.
Management consultancies will be allowed a choice as to which teams of individuals will sit-aside each year; or alternatively the same team could be sat-aside for a number of years. This will give management consultancies more flexibility as they plan future staff utilisation, either on billable work for clients, or as claimed sit-aside credits.
Management consultancies would be obliged, however, to manage their sat-aside team so that it could be brought back into production if necessary.
It might be argued that price cuts would be a better method of reducing over-production; but this would overlook the fact that Sit-aside will act directly and quickly to reduce production and provides significant environmental benefits.
Sitting in their offices, the damage to the economy caused by these management consultants in the normal course of affairs will be significantly reduced. The sat-aside consultancy resources will provide important ancillary benefits, such as acting as buffer zones for preventing buzzword drift, providing habitat for the incubation of new management fads, becoming idea-banks where beneficial ideas can live and breed, and creating wildlife corridors around offices where animals and birds can find cover.
They will provide stewardship on behalf of the nation for key legacy management consultancy assets including PowerPoint formats, process mapping methodologies and work breakdown structures. And a pound spent supporting a management consultant will be spent in turn on goods and services created and delivered in the UK, thereby revitalising the economy in deprived areas such as Surrey and Berkshire.
In assessing bids for Sit-aside payments the Government will use the flexibilities available under the “Temporary Community Framework for State Aid Measures to support access to finance in the current financial and economic crisis”. The focus will be on ensuring that the management consultancy industry emerges from the current downturn with the skills and technology base needed to be competitive in the global market.
Enough of the gloom! Let's not look backwards: let's look forwards!
Forward to kick-starting the economy! Time to commit to Sit-aside!
Wednesday, 18 February 2009
A short lesson in economics for bankers
The expression "those bankers just don’t get it" is becoming exhausted through repetition, but their capacity for self delusion still amazes.
It has become fashionable to suggest that they (along with regulators, governments and the rest of us) had got stuck in belief in an economic paradigm based on the supremacy of rationalism.
Recent events, however suggest that they’re not very hot at applying even this old style economics.
The argument that bonuses still have to be paid (e.g. by RBS) to prevent staff migration (e.g. to Barcap) surely flies in the face of traditional economics. Why?
1. The banking sector employs twice as many people internationally as it did 15 years ago.
2. In London that ratio is 3 to 1.
3. The demand for banking services will now shrink as the depression continues, and banks will be shedding staff in the tens of thousands.
4. It’s anyone’s guess but we might assume that two in three wholesale, investment or forex bankers will become redundant.
5. In a buyers’ market the price bankers can charge for their labour will therefore plummet,
6. and they’ll be lucky to have a job at all, let alone a bonus.
But I suggest that there is one area where performance related pay is now badly needed, the Cabinet.
How about making Ministers’ take home pay dependent on the delivery of the pledges in the manifesto and the achievement of all the targets they spray around like a tom cat sprays wee?
That might concentrate the buggers’ minds.
[Ed: I apologise for GOM's use of offensive language; he does get carried away sometimes]
It has become fashionable to suggest that they (along with regulators, governments and the rest of us) had got stuck in belief in an economic paradigm based on the supremacy of rationalism.
Recent events, however suggest that they’re not very hot at applying even this old style economics.
The argument that bonuses still have to be paid (e.g. by RBS) to prevent staff migration (e.g. to Barcap) surely flies in the face of traditional economics. Why?
1. The banking sector employs twice as many people internationally as it did 15 years ago.
2. In London that ratio is 3 to 1.
3. The demand for banking services will now shrink as the depression continues, and banks will be shedding staff in the tens of thousands.
4. It’s anyone’s guess but we might assume that two in three wholesale, investment or forex bankers will become redundant.
5. In a buyers’ market the price bankers can charge for their labour will therefore plummet,
6. and they’ll be lucky to have a job at all, let alone a bonus.
But I suggest that there is one area where performance related pay is now badly needed, the Cabinet.
How about making Ministers’ take home pay dependent on the delivery of the pledges in the manifesto and the achievement of all the targets they spray around like a tom cat sprays wee?
That might concentrate the buggers’ minds.
[Ed: I apologise for GOM's use of offensive language; he does get carried away sometimes]
Monday, 16 February 2009
Beyond satire
Satirists might just as well pack their bags at the moment.
No sooner has one had a Swiftean moment than we read that the government has implemented it.
This weekend revealed that the FSA is to award itself £10m of bonuses.
And we have just heard that Tessa Jowell is attempting to remove gender differences from the Olympics by, for example, allowing women to compete in heavyweight wrestling.
I’d be tempted to suggest that the Secretary of State for Health has announced that men will soon be able to have babies, but there’s no point.
It’s probably already in the pipeline.
No sooner has one had a Swiftean moment than we read that the government has implemented it.
This weekend revealed that the FSA is to award itself £10m of bonuses.
And we have just heard that Tessa Jowell is attempting to remove gender differences from the Olympics by, for example, allowing women to compete in heavyweight wrestling.
I’d be tempted to suggest that the Secretary of State for Health has announced that men will soon be able to have babies, but there’s no point.
It’s probably already in the pipeline.
Tuesday, 10 February 2009
Not select enough
One of the inquisitors on this morning’s Treasury Select Committee meeting revealed his lamentable ignorance by referring to "siren calls from risk managers", meaning siren as in claxon or fire alarm. And everybody else adopted the solecism without any indication of irony.
So now we know why Bankers and Parliamentarians have so let us down; it’s very simply their lack of a classical education.
Funny how much clearer life gets as one gets older.
Or as my old friend Catullus used to say "Totum ut te facient, Fabule, nasum"
So now we know why Bankers and Parliamentarians have so let us down; it’s very simply their lack of a classical education.
Funny how much clearer life gets as one gets older.
Or as my old friend Catullus used to say "Totum ut te facient, Fabule, nasum"
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